Terri Pope
Senior Group Facilitator & Aftercare Coordinator
While pursuing her master’s degree in counseling, Terri Pope was researching potential internships and happened upon the Center for Advancing Domestic Peace. She had never heard of partner abuse intervention before but after interviewing with Center Executive Director and Co-Founder, Christine Call, she was convinced of its importance and has been engaged in this work ever since. Here’s what she had to say about her journey and hopes for the future.
Tell us a little bit about yourself?
I was born and raised on the South Side of Chicago and have lived here my whole life. I have two adult children – Kenneth and Kimberly – and an 11-year-old granddaughter. I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Chemistry from Chicago State University and my Master of Science degree in Community & Mental Health Counseling from National Lewis University, where I am currently pursuing a PhD in Community Psychology. Some of the topics I am exploring in my doctoral studies include community violence, the resilience of African American men, and how trauma impacts the community.
What inspired you to join the staff of the Center?
Since joining the agency as an intern in 2014, I have had many different staff roles and responsibilities including group facilitation, assessment, program planning, curriculum development, and most recently coordinating aftercare services. It was during my internship that I realized that many of the people in our program are still with the partners that they exercised power and control over. It’s not always about ending the relationship but about helping our clients learn how to have a safe relationship. I also wanted to be part of creating safe families because I understand the generational effects of domestic violence. If you saw controlling and abusive behaviors in your home, with your mom and dad or grandparents, you may engage in those behaviors.
What is your favorite part of the job?
I like a lot of parts for different reasons. I really like making the connection when men and women first walk in the door looking for help. Oftentimes they are resistant, worried and afraid and some express feeling shame. I like being able to sit down and help them open up during the intake/assessment process. I also enjoy the sharing of information that happens during group sessions, especially the “ah ha” moment when a participant starts to “get it” and challenge the beliefs they have had. And, I love the aftercare program and seeing people motivated to continue developing and maintaining safe and healthy relationship skills. Overall, though, the best part of my job is helping people see that domestic violence doesn’t have to be their life story. Many people have healthy relationships and those who do not just have to be ready to listen, learn, and grow.
Is there a particular client success story that stands out for you?
A man came to the program very withdrawn and shut down. He felt resentful because he thought he was a good husband and hadn’t done anything to be here. Initially, he didn’t realize what his unhealthy contribution to his relationship with his wife was and he was totally unaware about how his beliefs shaped the whole tone of the relationship. One day when another group member shared his story, the man identified with it and said “Ms. Terri that sounds a lot like me. Wow, I never thought about it like that.” He had been listening, but then finally started to self reflect and understand. It was powerful to see how he came to life in that moment.
What is the biggest challenge your clients face?
A lot of people have a myriad of problems, with domestic violence just being one. They face life challenges such as unemployment and tremendous trauma. Sometimes they are victims of violence themselves. But, the biggest challenge is understanding what male privilege looks like. Many men act in a controlling and abusive manner because they think it gives them the right to treat women in a negative way and objectify them. When I ask, they don’t think they have it but it’s ingrained in who they are. It’s the core belief that’s under every behavior.
What is the biggest challenge in the work that you do?
Sometimes, I wonder if it is enough. Is there some magical or mystical piece that I’m missing? I know that when people leave the program they understand the concepts. But some are better equipped than others to fully grasp and utilize them. It can also be challenging just hearing the stories we hear and processing with clients. So, it is important to find work-life balance and things to do to unwind and relax after a particularly stressful group. When I leave, I jump in my car and blast my music to decompress. I try not to bring stress home and to be present for my children and family who are incredibly supportive.
How have the COVID-19 pandemic and recent protests against police brutality impacted your clients?
For some it has been a strain. They have lost jobs and are struggling financially. For others, sheltering in place has actually strengthened their relationships. They are facing conflicts and challenges but they are forced to interact and are using their skills to come to resolutions. Since the murder of George Floyd, we have also been talking about community violence and police brutality in every group. Clients have been processing their own interactions with the police and times where they felt unsafe. I think of Dr. King’s quote “a riot is the language of the unheard.” Domestic violence often happens when the abuser feels powerless and doesn’t feel heard. And, when there is an unequal power distribution, some people retaliate and engage in unhealthy behaviors. There are a lot of similarities between what clients are dealing with at home and what is happening right now in the community.
What is your hope for the Center’s future?
While we may not have been victims ourselves or abusive in our relationships, I believe we are all affected by domestic violence and share a common goal of safety for children, families, and communities. I look forward to the day when we realize the value of all people and embrace empathy as a society. Until that time, I would love to see partner abuse intervention programs offered in schools and workshops in communities and public spaces. I just think that the more people who are made aware of the interventions, the more impact we can make, and the safer we will all be.